"Mermaids are some of my best friends, and we share news about the Quahog Emporium. Here's the latest:"
|Mermaids and Pearls
"My mermaid friends are watching the Emporium — like I am. Not for quahogs, naturally, but for pearls. Every mermaid I know wears at least one strand of pearls, and they see strands of very unusual pearls coming out of the Emporium. (No quahog pearls, because quahog pearls don't have that nice luster. Personally, I think quahog pearls are over-rated and over-priced.) We see freeform pearls in different colors. And regular pearls, too. Somebody dropped this picture on the sidewalk and I scooped it up so I could show it to you and my friends out in the water. "
Props from Zookeeper
"Lately, people have been coming out of the Emporium with spectacular glassware that appeared in the movie Zookeeeper. Always a surprise what comes out of that Emporium! Turns out Stu has a warehouse of new and used restaurant equipment, and Hollywood filmmakers lease all sorts of things from him — from handles for pouring draft beer to whole restaurants, like the one in Mystic Pizza. Reminds me of how I got all excited when I saw a big bucket of wiggly squid over at his warehouse. They sure looked real in the movie when (I think it was Julia Roberts...) thought her boyfriend was cheating on her and she dumped that whole pail of squid into his convertible! Critics didn't like the Zookeeper too much, but I really liked the way animals and people would carry on conversations and share their opinions. I wonder if those animals up at the Franklin Park Zoo have Facebook pages."
Clamcakes and Stingrays
"We gulls don't too get excited about a new store opening in Wickford — unless it has something to do with food. So I've had my eye on that new place called the Quahog Emporium.
"Anything to do with quahogs is something I want to know about! I heard the Emporium will have food. Plus, it's right on the shore, where I can swim around and keep my eye on the back doors of both the Emporium and the Wickford Diner — just in case, you know.
"I heard the Emporium has jewelry made of quahog shell and stingray leather, and the Emporium will be the only place in the world where you can get jewelry like that. As a gull, I don't care about the jewelry, but with quahogs and stingrays, there's always hope for a hungry gull.
"I miss my friend Harry the Gull. He disappeared after he dropped a quahog on a new Mercedes over at Duffy's Restaurant. That laughing gull didn't help the situation at all... I hope Harry's okay.
"Oh, you're going into the Emporium. Let me know about their clam cakes. I overheard some tourists. They were reading a book about Rhode Island clam cakes, and the author claims you can judge how good somebody's clam cakes are by counting the number of seagulls on their roof. He proposes a rating scale for clamcakes, and that a 100-gull rating is the best! Guess what was on the cover of that book! A picture of Harry stealing a clamcake out of a paper bag!
"I eat quahogs all the time, and I have to drop 'em in the parking lot to break them open. And I try not to hit a car, because when that happens, the quahogs tend to bounce and not break. I also find quahogs stuck in nets of fishing boats in the harbor. Like here. Run your cursor over this picture to see what I mean. "